Final score: 0-2.

last week—November 4

Dot-connecting, inflation edition.

I usually carry two-three dollars in my pocket for opportunities to make myself feel good through an act of random kindness. Most of the time, it's still in my pocket when I come home, as I didn't have an opportunity to do a mitzvah.

But the other day, as I was unloading my pockets, I thought I might have to rethink the practice. Not the loose bills, not the practice, but the denominations. Earlier that day, I had been out, and, among other things, had swung through a fast fooderie for lunch—two 'value menu' items, a name burger, fries and drink. Total came to just over $13. I did the inflation grumble, collected my food, and drove on.

So that night, when pulling out the tiny wad of bills, I realized that my 'generous' donation wouldn't even get the recipient up to the counter.

So adjustment is in order. It's time to put a couple of different Presidents into the mix.

The all-natural solution.

Southern Living wants you to know How To Get Acorns Out Of Your Lawn—No Rake Required.

Their solutions all require purchasing mechanical devices. My solution requires no mechanicals, and relies only on re-visioning squirrels as beneficial members of a balanced ecosystem. They're not just for emptying birdfeeders anymore–they're eradicating acorns.

Flies.

It's been a particularly good year for flies, and by that I of course mean 'flies in then house.' It seems there's always been a fly in the house this summer.

Now, I don't know if it's a whole squadron of flies that disperse all over the house, or just one very friendly fly that craves human companionship, following me from room to room. This morning, the current occupant added to the wake-up noises by buzzing around my head at 6 A.M.

I've given up trying to kill them. By the time I find a swatting device, they're gone. Even the cat has given up, just watching them buzz at a window or screen.

We (or at least I) might think that flies are outdoor creatures, and that their straying inside is an aberration, but the full name 'housefly' would indicate that might not be correct, although it may have gotten its name ironically.

The buzzing has stopped (which is in the 160 Hertz range according to one source, while another has it at 200 to 1000 Hertz), which means it's settled in to a far corner for a while. I can live with that.

Which brings us to that curious phrase, 'ain't no flies on him,' which is supposed to be a good thing. I guess, but after conducting this unextensive research, is pretty much a synonym for 'ain't dead yet,' or 'ain't sittin' still,' which are also supposed to be good things.

Questions for writers, artists, and livers of life.

I was checking out the description of a book I was thinking of buying, and read Drawing from her twenty years of teaching experience and her bestselling Substack newsletter...

Which made me stop, as the image of a well popped into my head. Yes, it was one with the rocks, a roof, and a bucket with the rope and crank handle.

But it was the question that accompanied it that I thought I should share:

What's your well?

and of course, the follow-up question:

How do you refresh/replenish/refill your well?

My answers: life, experiences of others; and putting myself in the way of new experiences and other creatives, pampering my curiosity, and re-viewing my life.

Lives I could never conceive living.

It seems a little odd to put an article about people not reading after an article with advice to writers, but welcome to life in 2026, where non-clinical schizophrenia reigns.

Fortune Magazine reveals 40% of Americans didn’t read a book last year. If you're a 'glass half full' kind of person, that means 60% of Americans, or nearly 200 million people, did read a book, maybe even more than one. And there's always the possibility that people in the 40% are reading things on social media, or have given up on 'long form' reading, in the same way I very rarely watch movies–haven't been in a theater in nearly a quarter-century, and usually bail on movies on TV in the first hour or so.

But I'm guessing 'no books' probably is closely connected to 'no reading.' I'm sure it's not a conscious decision–it's just that there are so many other opportunities for entertainment and engagement. Technology created literacy–now technology is ushering in post-literacy.

That 40% figure took me back over a half-century

to the first time I encountered a 'print-free' house. I went to a end-of-summer party at the friend-of-a-friend's house. Not a scrap of reading material. I was in every room of common space, and saw nothing, not even a TV Guide. Everyone was friendly and welcoming, but the space seemed cool, if not downright cold. I wasn't uncomfortable, but I was a little off (yes, even more so than usual). I'm sure that nowadays, I would encounter many more such homes. Life goes on.

Random disconnected observation.

Archeologists on TV often complain about how hamstrung they are when they unearth a magnificent structure from a period or civilization heretofore considered hunter-gatherer or agrarian that had the poor taste to not leave a written record.

Lazy, self-centered buggers, I say. Do some work! Take notes! Document!

But in writing the previous piece, I began wondering about what archeologists five and 10 thousand years in the future will think when they start excavating our eras' trashpiles. After all, so many of our records are written on paper, an organic material subject to decay and destruction. Granted, we are digitizing information, but will future generations have the technical wherewithal to be able to bring our machines back to life, and have a Rosetta stone to translate binary to English or Greek or whatever their language of choice is?

One of the more interesting finds is Woodhenge,a ceremonial circle constructed of wooden timbers near to and contemporaneously with Stonehenge. Apparently, the builders not only abandoned it, but took the construction materials with them.

They didn't leave a note explaining why. Will future archeologists face the same challenges in decoding and interpreting our times?

Smashing Pumpkins and other gourds.

two weeks ago—October 28

Every now and again, I apparently have to engage in a little spleen-venting. This is the now, or maybe the again. Batten the hatches.

Typical.

I was thinking about Ogden Nash this morning, a purveyor of 'light verse.' You know, short, funny, wry, insightful, approachable. In fact, The Poetry Foundation claims Nash was the most widely known, appreciated, and imitated American creator of light verse, a reputation that has continued after his death. Few writers of light or serious verse can claim the same extensive dissemination of their poems that Nash’s works enjoy.

In spite of this affection, The P.F. contains no examples of Nash's poetry. Perhaps I should have said 'because of this affection.' The academy is notorious for disliking poets who achieve almost any degree of popularity and accessibility. See, for example, Rod McKeon, who doesn't even rate a bioblurb in P.F., even though he was the best-selling poet in America for a while. So typical of the P.F. and the other purveyors of purity and taste.

Back to this morning. I was thinking of Nash's poem, Reflections on Ice Breaking, written in 1931. The poem:

Candy
is dandy
But liquor
is quicker.

In the 1960s, Nash added:

Pot
is not.

While observant, and in keeping with the times, lengthening the poem by nearly a third was not popular with his audience, and the revised piece soon fell into oblivion.

If you need a day-brightener, you can read some of Nash's poems here.

Efficiency.

As we grow older, the importance of birthdays wanes, both to you and to others. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's lack of surprise. Maybe it's that the people we want to celebrate with are no longer with us(mostly, they've moved to Florida). Maybe we think it's an unnecessary intrusion into a steady flow of life, with surprises every day. Maybe we don't like the fuss over us and the spotlight being on us.

I have no idea what this has to do with efficiency, except maybe I found the thought of getting gifts that require dusting to be off-putting.

Decisions, decisions.

I came across the word 'erstwhile,' and thought, 'what a curious word! I should use that!' I agreed with myself (you might be surprised to discover how rarely that happens) but figured I should probably make sure I know what it means before using it (you might be surprised to discover how rarely that happens).

So off I go to an e-dictionary to find that erstwhile means 'in the past' or 'formerly.' Remembering the popular Spelling Bee question 'Are there any other definitions?', I kept reading and found out that 'quondam' is a perfect synonym.

So hard to decide which one I want to be my formerly go-to word.

Wait. That doesn't sound right.

Insight.

I bumped into one of those 'if you were on a desert island and could take only one book, what would it be?' articles.

As is not my wont, I skipped the joke answers like a cookbook or a manual on boatbuilding. I also skipped the usual Bibles or encyclopedias or other large and/or impressive books.

Instead I would answer 'an unlimited supply of pens and paper so I could write my own book.'

No applause, please. It took me three-quarters of a century to figure that out.

I guess you have to find out sometime.

I've mentioned my wife's garden, which delights the neighborhood walkers. It also, as a side benefit, draws bees, butterflies, and birds.

The two met this morning. I noticed a hummingbird and a goldfinch among the usual suspects. Then a young family (mom, stroller, toddler+, dog, + 9 yr. old) came close, and the mom exclaimed, 'Look! A hummingbird!' They took a few more steps, and the 9 yr. old asked, 'What's a hummingbird?'

This level of ignorance is too much to lay at the doorstep of the American educational system. Somebody else must be held accountable.

Confusion reigns.

not really, but...

While on the way to find something, I bumped into Top 150 Elle Woods Quotes (With Meanings), provided by ScriptureSavvy. I was confused for a moment. Was Elle Woods a secret fifth evangelist, with her own gospel? But what really intrigued me was the parenthetical. I mean, there's a certain profundity to Elle, but do we really have to spin out the meaning of 'you have to be true to yourself?'

I get it. It's a self-affirmation site, which is fine, even if it's just cribbing from the Dale Carnegie and Tony Robbins playbooks. Collecting quotations is fine. But the beauty of aphorisms is they are short, direct and memorable. Mark Twain once fumed about how much work it was getting aphorisms right. And 150 variations of 'believe in yourself' actually makes Elle sound kind of shallow and (dare I say it?) vapid.

And, no, I didn't find the quotation I was looking for.

You got that right.

an unnecessary rant.

The host of a podcast I listen to irregularly made a reference to being a 'solo parent.' This was new to me, so off I go to find out what that is. Basically it's a single parent who no longer has contact with their former partner.

Then, the author makes this gratuitous, pompous, fatuous, and somewhat insulting statement: Many people use the term 'single parent' when they actually mean 'solo parent,' perhaps not realizing the distinction. Well, yeah, when you didn't know something existed until five minutes ago, the lack of distinction is understandable, and forgivable. I might also point out that, in common parlance, solo parent is a subset of single parent, as in 'all solo parents are single parents, but not all single parents are solo parents.' While we're at it, all widowed parents are solo parents. So, single> solo> widowed. I'm surprised Mr. Single/Solo didn't know that.

A quick note on writing decisions.

Once a month, I join an online writers' discussion group hosted by The Muse Writers Center. Part of the introduction is to declare what we write. Some people (like myself) will identify a general category, like 'novel,' 'memoir,' or 'poetry.' Others will get much more specific, like 'science fiction romance.'

What's interesting is how many decisions are put in place or made for the writer just by making that genre declaration. Poets, for example, 'don't have to worry about' novelists' concerns, like characters, plot, conflict, or rising/falling action and structure. But I wonder if that removes certain opportunities for exploration and discovery.

I also wonder if the same thing is true in life. If you declare that you're a 'housewife,' or 'writer,' or 'undertaker,' or 'solo parent,' then you don't have to worry about certain boundaries or parameters of your life. The decision has already been made. Although many find the classification confining, others find it liberating to find where the boundaries are flexible and the structure fuzzy. You're free to make it your own, without having to worry about low-level, routines decisions.

But beware! There are always those who will try to recast the fuzzy boundaries in concrete, insist on adherence to external rules, and may even insist you call it 'solo parent.' And where's the fun in that?

Depends on the context.

three weeks ago—October 21

Between 6 and 6:42 this morning, I had four ideas for pieces for The Chair, as well as a 'Word of the Week.' One fell victim to distraction, two were trampled by the following idea, and one just drifted off when I got up.
We will all survive, but they were kind of fun/interesting ideas. Sigh.

$90?

On Monday, we received a check from the President (and the Social Security Administration?) to help with Medicare expenses.

I forget who said it, but I am reminded of the saying, 'as a gift it is far too generous, as a bribe it's not nearly enough.'

I thought that was a given.

The Wall Street Journal reveals Companies work on robots safe for humans.

Back in 1942, Isaac Asimov posited the The Three Laws of Robotics, which basically said 'robots can't hurt people.' It seems people haven't been paying attention. Or, a more unsettling thought, engineers have been developing unsafe robots, with no concern for consequences. And, what of their intention? Are the designers careless or malevolent? Is safety a feature that can be bolted on?

Not a way to start the day.

R.I.P., 'Robert X. Cringely.'

Unless you read the tech press in the nineties, you probably don't recognize this name. But he featured prominently in my reading about computers at the time. He was funny and insightful. But then, my interests shifted, and I read Bob less.

One thing that surprised me was he was three years younger than me. I had always pictured him as an old head, much wiser and experienced in life and technology than I. This sort of thing will probably happen more often as I keep chugging along.

And so it goes.

Unintended, I hope.

A local bicycle shop is advertising a 'blowout sale.' Even if they had a tongue planted in a cheek, it's the wrong cheek.

Random thought.

'Eyelid' is a very strange concept, and word. I don't have a better suggestion, but it's still strange.

'Opportunities' 'missed.'

TastingTable reports These 10 Costco Kitchen Gadgets Over $100 Are Worth The Price Tag.

Of the ten gadgets, we have three analogues in the house, if you count a $20 drip coffeemaker as the same as a two cup individual brewer with foamer. All of them cost less than $100. Our toaster oven has an air fryer setting we don't use. And the blender sits in the back of the pantry, unused and unloved. No drooling, no lust, not even any vague interest. The tradeoff? We have open counter space, which in other places Tasting Table claims is as close to heaven as we're going to get on earth.

I dunno.

or, another list.

The New Yorker had an article about Eight Great American Novels, by Hannah Jocelyn.

Now, I have a bad habit of looking at headlines like that as if they are announcing a quiz, rewriting it in my head to be How many of these 8 great American novels have you read? I was looking forward to it as I figured I should get a high score, being pretty well read in AmLit and all.

I have read one of the books. Of the other seven, I recognized two authors but not the title (and read none of either's books).

I am at the point of a dilemma (not really–I just think 'point of a dilemma' is a neat phrase and wanted to use it). I didn't like the one book (Miss Lonelyhearts by Nathaniel West) I read. Now, do I take this is an indicator of the taste of the judge, and presume 'the seven' are more of the same and walk away, or do I at least read what she says about the books and what makes them great?

It was sampler time. I tried two descriptions. Verdict: my stack of 'to-read' books is not growing any taller, at least not from these recommendations. I think that's a fitting compromise.

Build your own headline.

It's been a while, and this one might be a little suspect due to the amount of headline chopped, but Macworld offers up

You can blame the iPhone for the plunging U.S. birth rate.

Here we go! Step 1: Lop off the last three or four words, So we're left with You can blame the iPhone for the (plunging, Or plunging U.S.) __________. Step 2: Add in your own 'problem' or 'crisis.' Here are some samples.

With 'plunging' and 'U.S.': employment, temperatures, interest rates, attention span.
With 'plunging' alone: cliff divers, necklines, sales of soft drinks, politeness.
Straight (no adders): K-pop bands, corporate mergers, Supergirl, hotdog eating contests, hotdog stuffed pizza crusts, hotdog anything.

Enjoy!

Do you have Trump Derangement Syndrome?

We interrupt The Chair's designation as a 'Trump-Free-Zone' to discuss this in a non-partisan manner. We apologize if this action makes The Chair less than safe or comfy for anyone.

When I first saw this, I didn't see the 'Trump' part, and thought that 'derangement syndrome' was just another example of the 'ptsd effect,' where a perfectly good descriptive term like 'shell shock' gets puffed up to four words and acronym of non-description.

But the addition of 'Trump' provides two new dimensions. One, in the original meaning, it applied only to people obsessed with Trump. Now, with Trump's constant attacks on his 'enemies,' and growing lists, I think you can make a case that Trump himself suffers from TDS, and that it's a highly contagious disease.

I still think that it's another example of puffy word explosion. 'Derangement syndrome' is longhand for crazy, and TDS is longhand for Salem Witch Trials and St. Vitus Dance.

And so it goes.

A.S. to the rescue!

Headlines (probably written by A.S.) recently have been trumpeting A.S.'s ability to solve complex mathematics problems that have bedeviled human mathematicians for years.

A couple of questions:

Have the computers shown their work?
How do we know the problems have been solved?
Who cares?

People will talk.

Real Simple: This Is What Really Happens When You Stop Wearing a Bra.

Enrolled in post-doc program at School for Clowns.

four weeks ago—October 14

The Front-Yard Maple, our most reliable indicator of things to come, is showing bits of yellow and orange at branch tips. Just to ket you know.

At the Oscars and other televised awards shows, organizers have 'placeholders,' people who sit in a celebrity's chair when said celebrity is taking a bathroon break or accepting an award. I wonder if Republicans should appropriate this idea to swell the ranks at rallies where attendance has been less than maximal.

In this election season, with all the effort to ensure only real citizens vote, it might be prudent to remember the words of the philosopher: 'if you make every bird feeder squirrel-proof, most birds will starve.'

Stonehenge.

There are as many theories about why and how Stonehenge (and other similar Neolithic monuments) was constructed as there are rocks. Some people contend it was an early, less portable version of The Old Farmer's Almanac, a cemetery, a concert hall, a worship site, an astronomical calculator, and 'jes' 'cuz they could.'

We'll never know. Archeologists complain about ancient people's sloppy recordkeeping and just plain lack of consideration in not developing writing. But the use as an astronomical site that helped determine when to plant crops seems to be the leading contender.

Well, I've sort of got a problem with that. I find it odd that people who have been farming, and have to be in close touch with nature, would rely upon something maybe hundreds of miles away to determine when to plant crops four to five months later. I think they would be much more in tune with meteorological events around them, to say nothing of natural signs, say an early leafing bush, the return or departure of migratory birds, and so on. If the fields are under six inches of water, you're not going to plant just because some rocks said so four months earlier.

And the 'window of the sun' being the primary use: why do you haul three dozen stones nearly 20 miles when you only need three twice a year? Frankly, if it's only to frame the solstice, a few tree trunks would do the job just as nicely.

Life's lessons.

We all have wells of wisdom we dip into. Some are steady, some occasional. One of my transitory wells is Mark & Angel Hack Life. I dipped into an essay the other day (6 Reasons to Stop Proving Yourself to Everyone Around You), and had a connecting thought. Their advice in number one is to not only ignore but distance yourself from the naysayers. It's healthy.

Then I remembered there is a Scriptural precedent. In Matthew 10 (14), Jesus tells the disciples, if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.

Two nice things about this. One: the dust-shaking applies to individuals, not just towns, and two, isn't it nice to have bedrock support for a course of action to counter self-centered monologists?

Oh, really!?

Something called TheStreet reports World's most intelligent human being makes bold XRP prediction.

Some notes:

WMIHB is a South Korean woman, not that that matters.
MIHB designation is self proclaimed, much like 'the most interesting man in the world' in the Dos Equis ads.
No correlation is established between intelligence and accuracy of predictions, or even the ability to make predictions.
I wonder if I'm making too much over the inclusion of the word 'human' in the headline
In case you're interested, XRP is a cryptocurrency

I sure hope she got that prediction entered on Polymarket.

Scary thoughts

I probably shouldn't even say out loud.

I know I'm not the only one who gets annoyed by the escalation of tips, in size, suggested tipping amounts, and where we're supposed to tip. Someday, some genius is going to figure out how to put tips on a subscription basis, where you pay a set fee monthly whether you use a tippable service or not. Then when we go into a 'tipping expected' establishment, you scan a card or whatever, and you're good to go.

That's right—we're not.

I will say that the number of spam calls (excuse me, 'telemarketer inquiries') has been declining recently. We can go multiple days without a call. But when they come, they come–a half dozen, ten at a time.

So it was with no little trepidation I heard the phone ring, and the ID Lady announcing 'Caller Unavailable,' which is phonespeak for 'name/number blocked.'

We didn't answer the phone. They didn't leave a message. But I did mutter, 'That's right–we're unavailable, too. I would think you would know that by now.'

Cutting losses.

I didn’t even get through the first sentence before bailing on this article. The culprit sentence? The ‘70s get a lot of credit for bell-bottoms and disco,...

Today's rabbit hole.

I would be lying if I tell you I fell into this hole researching useful information for you, my faithful fromacomfychair readers, but no, I stepped in this trap all on my own.

The temptation? A town called Redhaw, Ohio. I saw a reference to it in an article about creepy places. When I lived in Ohio, I drove across a fair amount of the state. Did I drive past/through it? I decided to check it out. So it's 'hie me to the internet' time.

Interesting search. To quote Gertrude Stein, There is no there there. Looking at images, they have a church. There is a state park. Redhaw boasts one of the shortest Wikipedia entries I have ever read.

Still I kept trying, and was rewarded with this entry from one of those data-packaging sites:

Redhaw is home to 46 residents, according to the most recent Census data. Gender-wise, 47.8% of Redhaw locals are male, and 50% are female.